


I Can't

by TheFirstSeed



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Drabble, F/M, just a little snipet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25419166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFirstSeed/pseuds/TheFirstSeed
Summary: Booker has come to the realization his last son is going to die. Andy is the only one there to turn too.
Relationships: Andy | Andromache of Scythia/Booker | Sebastien le Livre
Kudos: 53





	I Can't

**Author's Note:**

> Yeahh so this happened too. I do think they're sweet together.

He walks from the hospital with nothing on his mind. Not a single thought. Not one as he buys himself a bottle of vodka. Not one as he walks into the safe house they're staying at now. Not one as he doesn't even ask where Joe and Nicky are. Not one as he sits on the floor of his bedroom and opens the bottle.

Only one when Andy joins him a few minutes later with another two placed in front of him. Followed by two glasses. Sitting down on the floor he goes to open his mouth, 'why?' then stops. The thought is gone. He knows why she doesn't want him to drink his grief away alone.

Not a word passes by them for what Brooker thinks is an hour, maybe two, it could actually be three? When did the sun begin to set? He knew Andy had left to get more bottles but where had that time gone between them. "He's dying," Brooker says, they both already know it but this is the first time he lets the realization grace his lips. Andy is sitting across from him, above on his bed now. She doesn't utter a word but pauses her drink for him.

She waits for him to decide where it goes. She knows better than to jump on him for this. He raises his eyes for only a second to find hers, for a moment like this they're warm. They're almost a safety net for him. "He thinks my love is false, that I don't love him because I cannot save him" He holds back the pain that touches his words. Forces his eyes shut and refuses to let it take hold of him. 

"Sebastian Le Livre" Andy's voices call him from his spot on the floor. He fears she will be the last and the only one to call him this. He almost hates the name now, he hates what it stands for, he hates the grief that hangs on to it. 

Booker gets up anyway, ungracefully falling across from her to the small spot she leaves open on the bed. "Maybe I don't love him enough" Brooker looks to the ceiling. He feels her hand gracing his but he can't will himself to grab onto it.

"I'm a horrible father" the words break from him. She grabs his hand at that moment. He shakes his head, he wants to pull away but she doesn't let him. She kisses his hand, reminds him he has done everything he can for them. Tells him his love won't ever die for them.

They're silent for a bit. He sits on his drink longer this time. Andy and his fingers connect, disconnect, and reconnect again. Following a pattern only they know. It isn't intimate between them, it is a thing Andy did to him years ago. From his first son. Still, they do this, he finds it distracting. She knows it. It is comforting. "Did you ever have children?" he asks. He hasn't known her as long as the other two. Yet he knows they share a lot more.

He wouldn't dare ask this question soberly, he wouldn't dare touch the subject soberly. Neither of them is sober. He pauses his fingers lets them settle together as he moves his head to find her eyes. They won't meet his, Brooker fears for a moment she isn't as drunk as he is and that she will leave now.

_"No"_

The words come down like a lead break that he cannot quite explain to himself as to why. He can't tell how he should feel to that reply. He shifts holding her hand a little tighter, more close. More open to hearing. "I never thought of it. It never seemed like something" Andy pauses and Brooker hold's his breath.

"You knew what this pain would be like before it even happened?" he offered words for her. He knew it wasn't where her sentence was going but she didn't need to finish it. He already understood. "I know you didn't want this Book. Watching them die is a pain I don't ever wish upon a person." the words hang heavy in the air between them. Andy has more to say, she has those forbidden words to say that they never do. She knows they are meaningless but deep down they mean something to him and others. 

He sits up, the space between them closes. His lips meet hers. It is different between them. It isn't love, it isn't just sex. It is something they reserve for little moments of comfort when the world around still feels like it is crumbling around them.


End file.
